


Peter Parker's Attempts To Be Good

by janemee



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1, Canon Divergence, Catholic Guilt, Catholic Peter Parker, First Communion, Gen, Happy Ending, I Want That Twink Obliterated, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Peter Parker Whump, Prayer, Religious Guilt, Rosaries, Spideypool - Freeform, Whump, death mention, not graphic, peter just needs someone to listen, thanos mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:40:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23732497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janemee/pseuds/janemee
Summary: 5 times Peter Parker prayed and 1 time someone joined him
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	Peter Parker's Attempts To Be Good

I. Peter Parker, quite stoic for a four year old child, holds the hands of his aunt and uncle as he walks into an unfamiliar house.

 _This is your new home_. He knew that they meant it to be comforting, his aunt and uncle wanted to take care of him, but all Peter feels is pain, loss, he misses his parents.

“Be good.” were the parting words his parents had left him with, and so Peter tries.

He will be good. He will make them proud.

Peter walks into his new room, and opens the small suitcase that holds his belongings. He gets out his toothbrush, his Iron man pajamas, and his rosary.

Ready for bed, Peter kneels by his little desk, folds his hands, and starts to pray. He completes one Our Father and a Glory Be but is suddenly aware of a presence in his doorway.

“Aunt May?” He asks of the feminine shadow, and his aunt, unaware that he could see her, steps into view.

“Hey, bud. Sorry, just checking on you. Do you need anything? A night light? A bedtime story?”

Peter contemplates, looking intentionally into May’s eyes, and she can’t help but notice how small he looks, his kneeling body all but imploding from the emotional weight he is already carrying.

He is so, so young.

“Pray with me?”

She can’t even comprehend the request as it comes, she wants to indulge the kid but there’s something that feels wrong about it.

Who could pray at a time like this?

“Maybe tomorrow,” She smiles “Let's go to bed for now.”

“Okay” Peter climbs into his bed and allows his aunt to tuck him in.

“Goodnight Aunt May.”

“Goodnight, Peter.”

When she leaves the room, Peter gets out of bed, kneeling again with his rosary in his hands.

 _Be good,_ he hears his mother say, _And we will always be with you._

Peter whispers a quick prayer, asking God to make him good for his Aunt and Uncle, and to please bless his parents in Heaven.

II. 8 year old Peter shifts in his suit. His new shoes pinch, the clip on tie feels pokey against his neck, but he wills himself to focus.

_If you are good, he thinks, they will be proud of you._

He looks at his aunt May for certainty, and she nods him forward to the front of the church. Peter picks up his heavy feet, and treads to the altar.

_If you are good, God will love you._

He delicately holds his hands out for the Eucharist, eats, and dutifully makes the sign of the cross.

_This is the body of Jesus, God is with you._

He did good, Jesus was with him, his parents are with him. May gives him a smile and a small thumbs up.

He is good.

Later that day, when May and Peter return from mass, Peter asks his uncle Ben if he could say a prayer for lunch.

May reaches out a tentative hand in both directions, one to each of her boys, hoping to soften the eventual blow, no matter whose side it lands on.

“Say it in your head, kid.” comes the unceremonious reply from the head of the table, Ben seems put off by the question altogether, but May mouths a ‘thank you’ for indulging the boy.

Peter, trying to be good, prays quickly, his eyes shut tight and hands clutched painfully together.

_Don’t let them down._

III. At 14, Peter kneels over his uncle’s body. The alleyway is cold, his knees are wet, there is blood, there is rain, there is tears.

_Be good. He thinks, if you are good, he will be with you._

“Oh dear god, oh jesus, please, fuck, anyone, PLEASE!” There is a mess of frantic words coming from his lips, a strangled plea to someone, anyone, a desperate promise to be good.

He prays.

Peter prays in the ambulance.

Peter prays at home.

Peter prays over the cup of tea May hands him and into Ned’s chest.

He kneels by his bedside and prays the rosary out loud until he loses his voice.

He can’t stand the idea of them not being proud of him.

He prays through the night, whispered, broken, half-words.

In the morning, Peter asks May if he can go to mass, he hasn’t been to a proper service since his first communion. May doesn’t need to say anything before Peter apologizes for asking, the open-mouthed, confused and offended stare he gets from the woman sends him back to his room. He clutches his beads, and prays again, a painful acknowledgement that he is not in charge, he will never be in charge, all he can do is be good.

IV. 16 year old Peter Parker is defeated. The mission was a complete failure, and now Steve was missing. He returns with Happy to the tower, and slowly opens the door to what he knows is impending doom.

Tony is already pacing, yelling incoherent instructions in multiple directions, to people and robots alike.

When he sees Peter, he turns quickly, stepping violently towards the boy.

“What. Happened?” it’s not really a question, they both already know what happened. Tony’s words are a desire, a demand for an apology, submission, the promise to be good.

“I’m sorry Mr. Stark,” Peter sags as Tony harshly grips his arms,“I’m so sorry.”

Tony takes a deep breath, and intentionally looks into the younger man’s eyes.

“Hey, hey Peter, look at me. We’re gonna find him, and we’re gonna get him out, okay?” Peter chokes back a sob and meets Tony’s gaze.

_Be Good, They will be with you._

“Okay.”

Tony offers a small smile. “Go rest up, huh?”

Peter is shaken awake some time later, Tony, in full suit and helmet standing over him.

“Let’s rock and roll, kid; we’ve got a location on Cap.”

Peter nods, and shuffles quickly to his feet and starts his pace around the room to prepare. He whispers a rushed Hail Mary and a Glory Be as he pulls on his mask and alternates flexing and bracing his muscles for the mission. Tony, who was still in the room, felt a little confused, he usually said ‘say your prayers’ as a quippy one-liner, and he was almost saddened at the idea that Peter could have viewed him as disrespectful all these years.

“Pray to whoever you want, kid” his voice makes Peter jump, and they both flinch, uncomfortably aware of the tension that is now between them, “but let’s not lose trust in ourselves, hm?” Peter nods again.

_Be good, they will be with you._

He is almost excited for the fights he knows is coming, he is ready to prove himself. He is ready to go through the pain to be good.

V. Peter can only smell fire, his entire body tenses, he knows what is coming, he knows what has happened.

His spider senses made him aware of his fate long before his brain could come to the obvious conclusion.

He is going to die. Thanos has killed him.

Peter and Tony share a wordless stare, and the younger man lunges forward, a final act of devotion, faith, trust. He clutches Tony in his arms, a stifled cry into his mentor’s shoulder, there is nothing to do now but wait, still he can’t stop himself from asking to be saved.

“Please, Mr. Stark, Please I don’t want to go. Please!”

Tony, with tears in his eyes, lays Peter down against the ground of the strange planet, for a while, the two watch everything turn to dust together, although both of them know Peter is next to go. “Hail Mary, full of grace-” Peter starts, sobbing through his last plea.

“Be good, kid” He swears he hears Tony’s voice above him.

_Be good, they will soon be with you._

VI. It’s been a long time since Peter found the words to say anything about what happened after the snap. He feels stupid, guilty, and tired so often it's not worth talking about his drops every time they happen.

He hasn’t been to mass since he came back either, he’s seen the afterlife, he’s seen godless men rule the earth, he’s seen faith, and he’s seen death.

What’s the use now?

Slowly, he comes back to the tower, as it's the most home he ever had. He starts sparring again, not intending to go on missions, just training, relieving stress and building strength. He starts talking again, not about anything heavy, not when he can help it, but just talking. He banters with Steve and Bucky, making puns at Natasha’s expense, and makes fun of the characters on screen when the gang holds movie night, sitting high on the back of the couch.

Slowly, Peter is becoming more of himself, or his old self, trying to find what his new place is.

It's not great for anyone, but he’s doing the work, and he can at least hope to be okay.

The most Peter can see in the rest of his life is ‘okay,’ blessed numbness, mediocrity.

Then, Peter meets Deadpool. 

It's an instant attraction, and they both feel it, Deadpool wants to tear the twink apart as soon as he sets eyes on him. Peter notices Deadpool’s barely-too-long stares, and reciprocates with some of his own, smirking meaningfully at Wade and making a few comments about his ass in the suit.

It’s more than physical, though, what they share. They also have hardship in common, witnessing more deaths between them than they care to mention. That doesn’t slow the men down, though, they are hungry for each other, for this connection.

Something about the merc makes Peter want to talk to him, about everything, about anything.

It's the most intense he’s ever felt about someone, and it’s amazing.

They spend whole days in bed, with Wade drawing lazy circles on Peter’s chest, just talking, really feeling each other, and sincerely exploring themselves together.

It’s a strange feeling for Peter to love someone the exact same amount as they love him, but he presses on, not wanting to be away from Wade for a single second.

Peter knows less than he did five years ago, but he knows he needs this man in his life forever.

So, after they move in together, Peter gives Wade a ring. A simple black band with a red stone on the inside, to be pressed into Wade’s skin as a reminder, as a constant, as a gift of love. The tears they share that night are happy and genuine, wholly their own.

Wade is floored when Peter him wakes up early one Sunday with a quick kiss on the cheek,

“Babe, I’m gonna go to mass.” 

Wade stirs in bed, but doesn’t respond, afraid he’ll say something wrong to offend his partner. 

Instead, he waits until Peter leaves their room, and sets about his daily chores, slowly processing his actions, contemplating what could have moved Peter to confront this part of his life again. He hopes it's not the same guilt that drove his teenage years, but Wade will take any mood Peter has, anything to help his spider.

When his love returns home, there’s a kind of glow around his face, Peter looks happier than he’s been in a while, and Wade doesn’t think to question it. 

“Hey!” Peter says, pulling Wade in for a kiss.

“Hey!” Wade returns, and he can’t help smiling into his fiance’s mouth. “Lunch?”

They sit down at the table, and Peter extends his hand to Wade. The older man takes it, and quirks an eyebrow.

“Pray with me?”

It’s not the strangest request Deadpool’s received from the spider, and the reply is an instant, resounding, enthusiastic: 

“Of course.”

Peter starts a prayer, not to God, not to Mary, but to the universe. His words fall freely from his lips, unscripted, unprompted. He feels whole for the first time in a while as he lifts up his life to the Heavens, shaking as he sits praising the energies around him, thanking the world for his new life, his love, his friends. He is happy, he is grateful.

Wade hasn't seen the inside of a church in decades, but he’s pretty sure that prayers aren’t normally this...happy? The penitence and strain he’s expecting are replaced with joyous praise. Peter is grateful, he nearly shouts his thanks to the universe around him. It surprises Wade, but it’s pleasant, his lover has seen enough pain.

It’s a strange experience for both of them, both more and less religious than they expected, Peter is still not exactly sure how God plays into his life now, but he’s sure there’s someone looking out for him wherever he goes. He has someone to be good for, and he will always be with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I haven't actively written fic in a couple years, so anything you have to say helps!
> 
> also, my tumblr messages are always open...
> 
> @college-anxiety-kid


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